1 out of 5 – Would Recommend: Avengers Grimm

Welcome back to 1 out of 5 – Would Recommend, where you’re getting more of a review than a recommendation today. On April 14, an unusual sight hit the shelves of major retailers – Avengers Grimm. Wholly unrelated to Marvel’s blockbuster franchise, it is a mockbuster from the nutbars at The Asylum. Naturally, it had to end up here.

What’s The Plot?

Rumpelstiltskin (played by Starship Troopers star Casper Van Dien) plots to conquer our world with an army of zombified thralls and the only people who can stand in his way are the Fairy Tale World’s super power princesses – The icy Snow White, the instant knockout Sleeping Beauty, the generally magical Cinderella, the resiliently haired Rapunzel, and the non-magical commoner Red Riding Hood! It’s like someone wrote a screenplay based on seeing a commercial for Marvel’s The Avengers while watching ABC’s Once Upon A Time while half asleep.

Who Made This Beautiful Garbage?

The Asylum AKA the studio that makes the Sharknado  series (number three is coming later this year). While that SyFy Original RiffTrax fodder is their most famous work, their stock-in-trade is really the mockbuster – the dollar store version of big budget Hollywood movies. Their filmography is extensive with notably transparent entries including AVH: Alien Vs. Hunter, Snakes on a Train, Atlantic Rim, Abraham Lincoln Vs. Zombie, and The Almighty Thor.

Five Reasons to See It

1. Rumpelstiltskin, whose name is impossible to make threatening, wants a portal into a dark world ruled by corruption that would be helpless against his magic. Which…is not a bad description of our world, actually. He’s the mayor of a major city within , two years of finding it, making him more successful than most Marvel villains to date.
2. Lou Ferrigno plays a construction boss turned gang boss turned metal henchman for Rumple Van Dien. He’s arguably more effective than the heroes of the film at stopping Rumplestilskin’s evil plan.
3. When we first see Mayor Rumple Van Dien’s zombie pen, it has…two thralls in it. Why, that’s a Plan 9 level of success! Admittedly, an army of them does show up later…but that first look is a riot.
4. So Snow White is basically garage sale Sub-Zero, Cinderella is dollar store Zatanna, Sleeping Beauty is off brand Sandman, Red Riding Hood is as close as we’re gonna get to Kate Bishop in an Avengers movie, and Rapunzel…has a flail braided into her long hair. Which is called a “magic power” in this movie.
   

   Cinderella, Rapunzel, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty OR Ultimate Universe Charlotte, Miranda, Carrie, and Samantha? You decide!

5. “We are not heroes, we’re avengers.”

Is it worth watching?

Yes and no. It’s certainly a fun little movie, in a stupid way, but it suffers from the same problem most of The Asylum’s movies do – no one cared. It was made to cash in on the lucrative Fairy Tale and Super Heroes markets by blending both, with no love put into it. What makes The Room, Birdemic, Plan 9, et al great is that they were labors of love made by people who just weren’t up to the task. Even Reb Brown’s Asylum-esque films are memorable because he puts his musclebound all into them. This movie isn’t going to have that kind of cult staying power, but you and friends will have fun watching it…particularly if you invite liquor to your party.

NEXT WEEK: In honor of the first RiffTrax Live event of the year, we give you five reasons to check out RiffTrax’s Video on Demand service!

IN TWO WEEKS: We get TV mockbuster goodness from 1994’s Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills!