Jim Johnson looks for clues to Avengers vs. X-Men round winners, based on the teaser art we’ve seen so far. Does the scale tip in favor of either team? Watch & find out!
JJ here, Back to the Past Pop Culture TV, and on this installment of I Will Show You: I choose a winner in the impending Avengers vs X-Men event from Marvel! A lot of people might not realize it, but some of the images circulating on the internet provide some pretty obvious clues as to the likely outcome of this sure-to-be-epic battle. My exhaustive research shows that the winner is going to be . . . well, I’ve talked so much about this whole thing in recent weeks, it’s probably all of you guys who are exhausted. So instead, I will show you some of these clues and let you form your own conclusions.
First off, there’s this battle between he-who-can-fly-in-the-sky vs the-guy-with-no-eye, the X-Men Archangel against the neo-Avenger Daredevil. Now, I’d take the guy with wings over the guy who can’t see any day regardless, but a close examination of this image shows that Archangel, menacingly spreading his wings in a show of alpha-male dominance, clearly came ready for battle, other than the fact that he didn’t bring his own weapon so he’s apparently trying to steal Daredevil’s. Ol’ Hornhead, meanwhile, looks like he’s trying out for the New York City Ballet. Archangel definitely brought the bigger dose of testosterone to this match, but even if he didn’t, all he really has to do is let go of the billy club, and in short order he can go beat his chest while standing over a big red smear on a midtown Manhattan street somehere. And besides, if this is supposed to be an angel vs devil thing, who wouldn’t pick the good guy?
Next up is a guy who used to be an Avenger, The Beast, vs a guy who used to not be an Avenger, Luke Cage. Now, I’m guessing this battle has nothing to do with the Phoenix force or the Scarlet Witch or any other major menace; I like to think that, instead, Cage made one too many wisecracks about how The Beast looks like the Cowardly Lion, and The Beast has finally had enough. Even though he does look like the Cowardly Lion. So the normally calm and level-headed Hank McCoy goes all feral and retaliates. And boy, does he; just look where his left knee is heading. He clearly doesn’t want to hear any more smart remarks from Cage unless they’re a couple octaves higher. Cage hasn’t been called Power Man for quite awhile, and it looks like he certainly won’t be again, at least anytime soon. Sweet Christmas, Luke; don’t trash talk the Cat.
Lastly, we have the battle of the team captains, Captain America vs Cyclops. Now, Scott Summers is no rookie; he’s a founding member of the X-Men and has led the team for a long time. But that experience pales before that of Captain America, who’s been at this since World War II, minus a decade or two in hibernation, and has demonstrated great battle savvy in conflicts with everyone from the Nazis to the Beyonder. So, take a look at this image, which shows Cap and Cyke facing off, literally, And I mean face off. Maybe Cap’s been around so long that he’s starting to lose his edge, but it looks like he’s about to lose a lot more than that by staring straight into the eyes of a guy . . . who fires powerful blasts from his eyes. Cyclops is on the verge of blowing Cap’s face off, all right, if not his whole frickin’ head. I’m a big fan of Cap, but fatal stupidy is hard to overlook. I’m picking the guy who uses his head rather than the guy who’s about to lose his.
So. Archangel, The Beast, and Cyclops all appear to have the inside track to victory. Maybe Squirrel Girl can pull off a consolation win against Pixie, at least. It’s not too late to change sides, is it? JJ, Back to the Past Pop Culture TV.