Welcome back to 1 out of 5 – Would Recommend, where good actors go to pay their mortgages. Rarely has that been truer than with this week’s movie, 1991’s Firehead.
What’s The Plot?
A telekinetic Russian super soldier, Ivan Tibor, goes rogue two years after defecting to the USA and starts blowing up low level munitions factories – earning him the nickname “Firehead”. An old friend of his, a dorky government research scientist (Chris Lemmon, less talented son of Jack), is paired up with a sexy special operations agent to track him down. When it turns out that Ivan’s onto a much bigger conspiracy, his pursuers join forces to bring down the shadowy Upper Order!
The man himself.
Who Made This Beautiful Garbage?
It’s produced by David Winters, producer/director of the Reb Brown classic, Space Mutiny. Firehead lives up to those lofty standards and then some.
Five Reasons to See It
- Christopher Plummer plays the corrupt military official who leads the Upper Order and commands the special operations unit that the protagonists are/were attached to. This movie occurred during what could easily be considered a low point in the man’s career, but he’s still the best thing in it by a country mile.
- Ivan’s much ballyhooed telekinetic powers (which resemble heat vision more than anything else) take a lot out of it, don’t get used much, and could be removed from the film entirely without altering the plot at all.
Pictured: What Alex Jones Actually Believes.
- On that note: the eponymous nickname comes up approximately twice, is never adequately explained (other than “he blows stuff up”), and doesn’t really describe his powers.
- Warren Hart, the scientist played by Jack Lemmon’s less talented son, gets help from his incredibly annoying 12 year old neighbor while being pursued by authorities – he has her bring him his car. Natalie Portman in The Professional, this girl is not.
- “Tell Vaughn that life as men has lived it can be – ah, f%#k it. Tell Vaughn he’s a horse’s ass.” – The last words of the also-so-much-better-than-this Martin Landau’s character.
Recommendation
Firehead is pure direct-to-video, 1990’s basic cable grade schlock. It’s just terrible enough to be unintentionally funny but just good enough to hold your attention from start to finish. It will never be a legend like The Room or The Miami Connection, but it definitely worth a viewing.
We can’t fault Firehead’s choice of reading material, though.
NEXT WEEK: A legend in the field of bad movies – 1990’s Troll 2.
